Cloudy with a Chance of Elections

Uncertain might be the most obvious word that comes to mind when imagining life post-May 7th. With Labour and the Conservatives polling neck and neck with the record lowest combined share of public opinion, the Greens and UKIP coming face to face with the Lib Dems, like an awkward encounter in a stairwell, and the SNP looking to take almost every seat in Scotland after a referendum campaign they couldn’t lose, all bets seem to be off this time around.

The only thing we can rely on at this point is a generous helping of cynicism. The Conservatives are rightly berated for dismembering public services with a blunt machete also known as George Osborne, and handing the proceeds to the rich so blatantly that you can only imagine they speed-read Robin Hood rather badly. On the other hand, Labour is faced with almost no popular support for its leader and a lose-lose situation of either being dismissed for being too Tory, or provoking outrage for not doing enough about the deficit (‘for when you gaze long into the deficit, the deficit gazes also into you’). UKIP is a nonsense party founded on the bizarre notion that the best way to challenge the establishment is to out-establishment the establishment, the Lib Dems are all but a laughing stock – actually, ‘sorry’, they are a laughing stock – and the Greens, well, that’s a good question.

I actually find myself extremely attracted to the fresh approach of the Greens, a genuine and intriguing challenge to the establishment in contrast to some other parties. Unfortunately, in a first past the post system, the scope for success when challenging the political establishment is slim to nil. Whilst I’d love to see the Green Party taking some seats in this election and proving themselves in power, I just can’t see them winning a majority outside of a few progressive constituencies. In the meantime, us exasperated lefties can gorge ourselves on the vicarious, meteoric success of Syriza, a truly bold left-wing, secularist party that demonstrates to the rest of us that cynicism, bet-hedging and conformism aren’t the only routes to political success. No, I’d much rather see a Labour government (even with the SNP, Lib Dems and/or Greens pasted on) than the likely alternative, a Tory/UKIP chimera with the chain-smoker’s lungs of Nigel Farage, the unfiltered vocal chords of Godfrey Bloom, the cold, unfeeling eyes of David Cameron, and the Bullingdon-esque pretensions of – well, the Conservative party.

On a serious note, this election could feasibly end in a coalition government headed by lapdogs of big business who are already promising tax cuts for the rich whilst planning huge public spending cuts – and bringing back hunting (prey yet to be specified, though thought to include Romanians to get UKIP on side). As reprehensible as the idea of a tactical vote is, if voting Labour will fight this beast, I can sit and wait for proportional representation for a while longer.

Immigration? It’s a Mail-biter

With far right parties across Europe seeing a massive surge of support of late, it’s increasingly clear that immigration is a, even perhaps the, central issue of politics today. It’s not easy to forget that times having been tough across the population for the last six years and counting. With headlines announcing that the recession has performed its fourteenth dip and is now going for a medal in artistic gymnastics, it’s hardly surprising that politicians and the public are looking for answers and radical solutions. Unfortunately, this has resulted in turning on our age-old underclass: people from Bongo Bongo Land (I couldn’t find it in my mum’s Atlas, but I’m sure it’s out there somewhere).

2014 opened in a storm of migrant workers from Bulgaria and Romania that UKIP assured us would prove just how destructive EU immigration rules can be, though the whole thing turned out to be reminiscent of the moment you tearfully call the IT guy who comes upstairs to find your computer working perfectly. Even so, the year continued to be plagued by speculation on the subject, with EU migrants taking more and more fire, despite research finding that they not only tend to be better educated than the average British worker, but actually contribute £20bn a year to the British economy. Of course any statement like this should be taken with a pinch of salt, but given the apparent lack of any research to the contrary, the finding seems not to be too controversial.

Of course the amount that migrants contribute to the economy is seen as secondary to the ultimate, terrifying endgame: overcrowding. The real source of fear that parties like UKIP and media agents like the Daily Mail leech mercilessly is the doom-saying spirit of the times, subjected to deteriorating employment prospects, inadequate public services, and a squeeze on the purse strings so tight you couldn’t get at the money inside through keyhole surgery. In a ‘pinch me, I’m dreaming’ moment, Nigel Farage even blamed motorway traffic on immigrants. While all of these issues are in serious need of solutions, the simple fact is that immigration is not the problem, and will not provide the solution. Take the NHS, while an increase in population will undoubtedly have increased its load slightly, immigrants are in fact integral to the service itself with 11% of overall staff and 26% of doctors being non-British. Importantly, these workers are in large part scouted specifically for roles that cannot be filled by those in the country already.

The real issue plaguing the working majority in Britain today is inequality and a lack of accountability. Public institutions like the NHS and Fire Service are being suffocated by ruthless austerity, not by a biblical plague of Poles. Zero hours contracts and unemployment are going through the roof because the apparent drying up of good jobs is giving multinationals greater and greater license to amass a workforce of wage slaves. Whilst increasing proportions of the population fail to earn a living wage, their corporate overlords somehow still manage to take home inflated pay packets. Unconfirmed reports are circulating that executives are now paid in large sacks marked ‘SWAG’ containing cash ready rolled for use as cigars. Some of the largest multinationals taking home massive profits in the UK only really have to pay tax when they feel like it, constantly undercutting small, socially accountable businesses and leaving the government out in the cold with a £105bn deficit.

It’s important to look carefully at the personal circumstances of those who preach at the lectern of anti-immigrant sentiment. Despite holding a pint so often he might well receive an intervention under different circumstances, Farage was not only educated at one of the country’s top institutions of privilege, Dulwich College, but passed into politics fresh from more than twenty years in big business and stock-broking. While his party lays claim to the interests of an alienated working class, polls show that their voters stand entirely at odds with their policies, seeking accountability and equality where UKIP strives for the opposite. One of their flagship policies, the resurrection of grammar schools, is a perfect illustration. Widely touted as a means of improving social mobility, it is clear that the opposite is in fact true. I’ve personally experienced Kent’s grammar school system, and the existence of grammar schools serves significantly to undermine the comprehensive alternative. While education reform is certainly needed, throwing eleven-year-olds on an educational scrapheap is nowhere near the answer.

The real focus of politics today should be on reigning in a corporate class that’s been allowed to run so manically wild that our government boasts to them that we have fantastically low rates of tax. We have to stop fighting amongst ourselves and turn our attention to the people who actually influence our politics and our lives, they’ve been getting away with it for far too long.